I used to be so adamant that I will not hire someone to help me around the house or with the baby. In line with my “I can do everything” (misguided) attitude, I stubbornly refused my husband’s or my family’s offer to provide help. I think I may have been deceived by the images of full-time housewives/moms that I see on TV, doing everything by themselves and their houses are all so perfectly clean and their kids eat organic food and never watch TV and their husbands are well-fed and catered to. If they can do it, so can I, right? WRONG.
The thing that really made it so hard for me is that my baby nurses the whole night non-stop and it just so happens that I simply can’t sleep while she’s nursing. Thus, I have been sleep-deprived in the truest sense of the word. And I couldn’t catch up on sleep since I also had to take care of the baby when she’s awake. The advice to “sleep when baby sleep” was just impossible to follow in my particular situation. We had considered letting her cry it out but we weren’t able to stand listening to her cry in distress!
I also felt really bad for my husband. He has been getting a second-rate version of me since the baby came. I have been a lot less affectionate, I had no energy to be a good wife to him, and to be honest, I had been taking out my frustration on him. I have been so hurtful towards him in moments of exhaustion. I always felt guilty after lashing out on my husband and this guilt further fueled my own misery.
I also realized that I was no longer being an effective mom to Lily because of my exhaustion. When she’s awake, I was too tired to really take advantage of that time window to play with her, give her the stimulation and the cuddles that she needs. I found myself increasing her time in front of the TV more and more every day. I can’t remember the last time we cracked open a book.
So I finally caved in and said “screw it”. I was not going to let my pride get in the way of achieving balance in my home. If it makes me a better wife and mother to have someone help me with the chores, then I’ll welcome it with an open (and flexible) mind.
And for the mommas who are doing it all by themselves, I absolutely SALUTE you!
